Shittin' Gritty
By Varsha Bhosle
http://www.rediff.com/news/2000/nov/20varsha.htm
By now you've all read about Sittin' Pretty Designs' toilet seats bearing
images of Ganpati Bappa and Kali Ma, who are the only two deities featured in
the company's "Sacred Seat Collection" suite. Meaning,
only Hindu deities are sacred, or, only Hindu deities deserve to embellish
toilet seats, or, only Hindus take affronts lying down, or in this case,
sitting up.
Interestingly, the company's website went to great
lengths to prevent the casual visitor from downloading the images, by
splitting each, like a jigsaw puzzle, into several parts. I presume that the
owner of the company, a well-known tattoo artist and a leading lesbian
activist named, appropriately, Lamar Van Dyke, has either created the images
herself or has the copyrights, haha. Of course, I love puzzles and so here
they are; maybe you'd like one on your Hindu sandaas, too:
The website describes Kali Ma as "the fierce
Hindu goddess who slays demons and liberates you from the constriction of your
negative thoughts. She destroys all obstacles and frees you from the darkness
of your fears." While Ganesh "removes all obstacles, destroys evil
and provides you with protection on your journey." I'm sure all you
Hindus out there in God's Own Country appreciate the freely flowing puns.
On Saturday, the California-based correspondent for The
Asian Age reported that the outraged Hindu community in the US
"plans to stink". He probably meant "to raise a stink",
but with Mr M J Akbar's ultra-secular stable of reporters, one can never be
sure if that was Freudian or intentional or accidental. Still, I'm grateful
that the newspaper reported it at all, since no other publication picked up
the story -- till the politicians jumped on the bandwagon.
Thanks to TAA and rediff.com, your
favourite psycho heard the views of some "outraged" leaders of the
Hindu community in the US: Ajay Shah, convener of American Hindus Against
Defamation, said that "I don't want to attach any labels to her [Dyke]
right now. For all we know, she might be Hindu. She may think it's something
really cool and it propagates Hindu dharma. We just want to give her a chance
to explain herself and maybe withdraw this product. Unless we learn otherwise,
we must assume that is being done out of ignorance and not malice... What
people might be trying to do is cash in on that popularity without considering
what kind of affect it will have on the Hindu community at large."
Vijay Pallod, a Houston-based community worker, said,
"What is really offensive is that these two are the only images that have
been listed in the Sacred Seat Collection. Why didn't the manufacturers have
the guts to put pictures of Gods from other religions on the same toilet seat
covers? They know that if they did this with any other community there would
be a huge public outcry."
Beth Kulkarni, a member of the advisory council at
the Sri Meenakshi Temple in Houston, the president of the VHP of America's
Houston branch, and described as "a pillar of Hinduism in Greater
Houston", disagreed with her "rakhi brother" Pallod's
contention that Hindus had been picked on: "I don't know why they did
such a thing. Maybe they thought they'd be able to sell their product,"
for it might just be an "innocent act by uninformed people".
Hmm... Am I the only one who thinks that
something's terribly wrong with this scenario? Am I the only one who feels
that the aforementioned Hindus need to be administered a nice Islamic-style
whipping...? Knock, knock... anybody there????
Let's begin with Ajay Shah, who doesn't want to pick
on Dyke in case "she might be Hindu". My eyes rolled up when I read
that... Are all the secularists and pinkos of India non-Hindu? Are the ranks
of the Kangress Parti Roman Catholic? Is the Samajwadi Party entirely made up
of Muslims? Aren't Hajpayee and his Bandar Hindu? But more significantly, if a
Hindu had done such a thing, shouldn't s/he have received a far stronger
punishment than an offender of another denomination...? Can you see any logic
in Shah's statement? From where does it arise if not from the ingrained Hindu
obsequiousness? What's there that Shah needs explained by Dyke? That even
after projecting Kali Ma as "the fierce Hindu goddess", she went
ahead and put Ma on the bottom of a toilet lid...?
Even so, Shah implores us to assume that Dyke may
have acted out of "ignorance". In Shah's lily-livered world, an
outspoken member of Seattle's lesbian community, who also contributes to
sociology journals, could have no clue about what causes offence to
communities. Like, gays, a hounded minority everywhere, could be unaware of
public scorn -- and gay activists, more so. But Shah doesn't think Dyke could
have done it on purpose; perhaps, she mistook "sacred" for
"scarlet". You see, gay activists don't have a history of extreme,
in-your-face behaviour to draw attention to their community's cause. Like,
integrity's gonna stop one from employing the same tactics when it comes to
business.
However, the dipweed's goal tops it all: Ajay Shah
will be content if Dyke is persuaded to "maybe withdraw this
product". I wanna vomit. After incurring the cost of nothing more than
laminating four toilet seats with the images and uploading the pictures on her
website, Dyke will be let off without a scratch. No matter that the publicity
she's gained from the email campaign and the news reports is enough to make
any PR firm salivate. So, even if Shah is awake to the possibility that Dyke
might be trying to "cash in on the popularity" of the Hindu ethos,
she'll still be excused. For there's no "malice", if you please.
Shah apparently believes that a well-known activist, who's also been the
subject of documentaries, may be so naļve that she'd put Ganesh and Kali Ma
on toilet lids to "propagate Hindu dharma"... Don't you just wanna
aim your gun at, not Dyke, but this apology of a Hindu?!
And yet, I could have condoned Shah's tender, loving,
forgiving policy if not for this: "Attempts by The Asian Age to
contact officials at Sittin' Pretty Designs for a comment were not
reciprocated." Ajay Shah: "I've been patiently waiting, but I
haven't heard anything from her yet. Everyone is waiting for her
response." Such a naļve babe-in-the-woods, that Dyke.
The problem is this: Ajay Shah is not dedicated to
Hinduism alone; he's fanatically devoted to the principles of Mahatma Gandhi,
too. Hence his attitude when Hinduism itself is under attack: "The thing
that we will do, that we have always done, is to put a moral public pressure
on someone who has been offensive." See what I mean? Since the loin cloth
and "moral pressure" supposedly brought India her independence,
Jockeys and toadying are gonna vindicate Ganesh in the US. Arrrrrrggghhhhhh....
Now let's take the other Hindu worker: Vijay Pallod
is offended because "these two are the only images" in the
collection since Dyke didn't have the guts to desecrate non-Hindu Gods.
Vomit-time, again. Suppose if Dyke responded by putting Mohammed and Jesus on
toilets, would Pallod and his acolytes be satisfied? WHAT is the relation
between what Hindus want of their religion and what others want of theirs...?
Will Pallod's indignation be assuaged if the Virgin Mary, too, decorates a
toilet -- along with Kali Ma? Sheesh! Where do these dipweeds drop from?!
And then we have that "pillar of Hinduism',
Auntie Beth, telling us that "this might just be an innocent act by
uninformed people". When the Southern
Baptists published "prayer guides" deriding Hindu Gods,
this former Methodist and acclaimed VHP leader's response was: "Generally
speaking, Hindus always have a siege mentality with regards to Christians,
anyway." Auntie claims that her key mission is "to continue
encouraging Hindus to let their self-respect and self-esteem grow" --
while her own two children, born of a Hindu father (I'm gonna expand on the
Marathi Brahmins of the US another day), do not identify themselves as
Hindus... Why have you, O Shiva, placed me in such a nauseating community? The
malaise is symptomatic of the Hindu "flock" everywhere --
in India, we have our Auntie Sonia.
With Hindus like these, it's no wonder that any dork
gets up and sticks our deities anywhere s/he wants. In July, a
California-based shoe manufacturer stuck our Gods on a range of footwear;
America's Hindus did exactly what they're doing now -- email campaigns
followed by a loving "god-speed". Read my lips, you morons: If you
don't hurt Americans where it hurts the most -- their pockets -- they will
keep pushing at the boundaries of your limits. Instead of filling the coffers
of the Democratic Party, you'd do well to invest far less in a legal suit. No
pain, no gain: sittin' pretty at your PCs and dashing off emails is not how
wars are won -- make the offenders shit slow and painful grit.
And now, Ajay Shah's coup de grāce to
finish Hinduism for once and for all: "I think the origin of much
prejudice and discrimination against Indians in this country is the
denigration of Hindu symbols. When people can ridicule your symbols, what
stops them from ridiculing you?" What he's saying is, because people are
prejudiced against Hindu symbols, they discriminate against Indians; because
they ridicule the symbols, they ridicule Hindus. Meaning, the entire exercise
against the toilet seats is designed to stop people from ridiculing America's
Hindus! It does not rise from any particular devotion to Ganesh and Kali Ma,
and it has little to do with any affront to the deities, LOL!!
These are dipweeds supreme, yuck! But the rest of you
-- the silent majority of Hindus who do get raving-mad at the slights to our
Gods -- I say this: Do not repose your faith in these so-called community
leaders. Shah wrote Dyke, "I am not certain you realise that this has
already caused tremendous hurt in the community" -- limp words from a
wimp. Do not get "hurt" -- get even! Leaders are all alike -- see
where the BJP has left the kar sevaks of Ayodhya. If there's no fiery Hindu
organiser in America, fight individual legal battles against those who attack
Hindu icons. For empowering the intellectually
and morally corrupt will never get Hinduism the respect it richly deserves.
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